Introduction

A good friend of mine reminded me that writing was once a therapy and so I return to it.  This one begins with the introduction to a life transition that has taken place over the past several years but escalated over the past 4 months.

     In early February the straw slammed itself on the Camel's back and it broke. The beginning of the end of an unhealthy marriage began.  Many have offered the words "I'm sorry" as an attempt to console, when in fact I prefer "Congratulations".  The fact is, my ex-wife is now free to find a love that I cannot provide due to a severe breach and break in trust, respect and honesty.  If you know anything about relationships, friendships included, these three elements are necessary (trust, respect, honesty).  With these necessary elements removed, the inevitable took place in that the reset button was activated, June 3, 2011 the divorce was final.  Nervousness, fear, excitement, depression and doubt are the emotions that I can dictate right now and an array of other emotions have flooded my life since early February.  One thing is for certain.  I wish her the best in love, peace and joy and I pray that she will return to the person whom God created her to be, now to work through the pain.
     To my children, there is no greater love for and from you, except for the love God has for me, that I can describe.  The effort to provide an image of family life did not work out and mom and dad are still mom and dad, nothing will ever change that.  We both love you more than ourselves and have made the decision to be better apart to in fact be better for the three of you.  To my oldest daughter, you are the joy that turned me into a man.  Before you I was scattered, and now the direction is clear.  From the time I watched you come from safety in your mother, until now, you have challenged me to be better, challenged me to have fun and challenged me to stay connected with God.  To my younger daughter, you remind me that I need to enjoy life, for right now, for whatever moment we are in and to just take it easy.  You continue to teach me that when you feel something, act on it.  When you feel like a hug, you come and get one.  When you want to be close, you get closer.  I love you because you do not hold back and you reflect what I need to do more, emotionally, in my life.  To my son, my prince, legacy and engineer.  First, you are the little man that I could not be for mommy, your love for her is amazing and she will always need your unconditional love.  As you grow older, you will learn how important it is for a little girl to be loved and adored by her father, in many ways, your love for mommy does just that.  Son, be the prince that you are!  Be a boy and enjoy what boys do for as long as you desire.  There is no rush to grow and no rush to manhood.  You are my baby and without you, not only would the Jackson name not continue but it wouldn't evolve to a greater state than it is now.  My son, you are a jewel, a precious creation of God for leadership.  You will no doubt use your mind, as I can watch you construct on paper or with legos anything you want.  Your patience is phenomenal.  I am blessed to have you and your sisters in my life.

     So it is, where I am today.  Currently in repair to avoid bringing any unwanted and unhealthy baggage into the future.  God, I already know you got me and I understand that I need to be available to you.  I am trying to get to know people for who they are and in that, trying to get to know myself as well.  No doubt, my fear before all of this was being alone but here I am, feeling alone but somehow I know I am not actually alone.  If you are reading this blog I hope that it is because you care, or maybe because secretly you are a "fan".  This blog will most likely include information that I am not discussing in the open but can certainly put on paper.  Stay tuned...